i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
