6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
