my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
