So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
