just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
