Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
