i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
