She just used a chaser for red wine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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