you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
