I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
