Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I supernannyed him into submission
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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