thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
