Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
