Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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