its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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