If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
