hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
