I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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