DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
