We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
