At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Panties = found
Randomize
