As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
