So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
