I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
