capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
