i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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