Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
