Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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