I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
