i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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