whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
