i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
