I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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