Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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