I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
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