I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
