If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
