What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
