Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
