I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
