she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
