i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
