I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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