I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
