there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
