You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
