If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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