So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
