I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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