Buhtt sex?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
