anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
