I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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